Fun Little Blog Post, Random Thoughts

Heyyyyy, to the five people that read this blog. Honestly, I just felt like writing a bit today. These are going to be disorganized, kinda random thoughts. So I haven’t posted since August…but what has been going on in my life? I became employed (ironically) shortly after my post about unemployment and how horrible I think the job application process is for everyone.

I started working at a local winery, in production as a cellar associate. This meant that I helped with everything having to do with the process of making wine! We received shipments of grapes, processed them using machinery into the various grape juices, and fermented the juice into wine. It was definitely a worthwhile, character-building experience. It wasn’t my first foray into blue collar labor, but it was my longest to date. I got stung by A LOT of wasps, and my body was always sore. Manual labor wrecks you physically and mentally. I was constantly exhausted, particularly during the busy harvest weeks. My coworkers were amazing. However, the job was not mentally stimulating. For some people, that’s probably a good thing, but I really struggle when I spend too much time thinking. So much dead space, or at least mentally it felt like there was a ton of dead space during the workday where my mind felt free to wander and ponder. But also I was in great shape, and being outside and getting paid for it was wonderful. Like anything, there were pros and cons. Having the opportunity to work in the beverage industry was a cool and unique experience. Agriculture, if the wages weren’t so low and the work didn’t largely take place far away from cities, would be a fun field to work (haha). 

My favorite part of the job was the lack of digitization. I was not expected to sit on a computer and click-clack away all day. I was doing quite the opposite, I was up and moving, interacting with the space around me. I was able to strike a balance between physical labor and exercise, and my technologically centered free time pursuits. I was far too tired to go to the gym, but I did still go on runs. Oddly, the removal from technology in the workspace also left me feeling…behind? So much of our life is centered on technology, in school, work, social activities. Disconnecting one aspect almost completely left me with a weird kind of FOMO. Was I doing something wrong? The low wage certainly did not make me feel better. I felt like I was falling farther and farther behind my peers. We associate technology with progress, and I was drawing an association between “progressing my life” and my use of technology at work. I felt disconnected and unaware. I have a tendency to compare and question. I was constantly comparing my “career decision”, if you can call it that, to a fictional version of who I thought I should be at this point in my life. Even funnier perhaps, is the fact that even if I was that version, someone who I couldn’t even describe because they were not fully fleshed out, I know I would be imagining yet another even “better” version and live with the same looming, sorta existential dissatisfaction. So, I don’t really know what to say about that. I’m aware it’s illogical and nonsensical but I’m pretty sure everyone feels it to a certain degree. The feeling of wanting more, wanting to be more. Unfortunately, I dwell on these thoughts, where other people probably do a better job at letting them pass through and out of their mind. Definitely something to work on.

Hmmmm, what to talk about next. This life satisfaction thing is fun. Going a little deeper…

Maybe the key to a happy life is to find a manageable base level satisfaction with yourself. I bet that’s why people practice self-affirmations. As cringe as they seem, maybe that little reminder actually makes a little difference? And why do I think they are cringe. Articulating why something is cringe is actually pretty difficult. If I had to wager a guess, I’d say it has to do with social conformity. If people you value, your social circle thinks something is a bit odd, you probably do too. Honestly, people probably just think it’s weird to say your positive affirmations out loud so others can hear them. You're kind of gloating/bragging in a way. Which people definitely tend to find off putting. Also having to admit that you lack self-confidence is vulnerable. How do you even respond to someone when they start saying all their positive self-affirmations, like “okay cool”. There’s a lot of reasons affirmations are probably viewed as cringe. I kind of find it cringe. Not having self-confidence but sharing your positive view of yourself with others, rather. Anyway, like I said at the beginning, this blog post has no rhyme or reason, I’m just thinking for fun. 

Back to the-base-level-of-satisfaction discussion, just being more chill generally is helpful. If no imminent threat to your life is present, why should I be so stressed? Lots of catastrophizing about little things, that could potentially be inconvenient or damaging, makes people (me included) a little manic. Positivity or some optimism can combat the catastrophizing. So in conclusion, my super insightful advice is to chill out, about everything. Life changes, for better and worse, and you can only do so much to influence that. I know, in my heart of hearts, I would rather be more relaxed in my day-to-day life and address issues as they arise, then constantly focus on what could go wrong. Something will go wrong eventually, but no sense trying to predict it to a degree that affects your minute-by-minute experience of living. Think less, but don’t not think at all, since that’s also not great…

Bye 👋 

(Random Photo of Emily and I)